Big Chicken/Script
Lee: "Hey. I'm Lee. And here's what tenth grade's been like lately. A major eclipse rocked our school. Holger got hit by a beam of energy he thinks gave him superpowers, key word being thinks, and it also opened up our local ancient pyramid! Yay! But then Finnwich totally blew it all up before Cassandra and company could see what was inside. Boo. So, Cassandra ordered the exile of Finnwich, Lynch and one of her scientists to Coral Grove, the mysterious place people get sent for knowing too much. Biffy Holger and I followed them as far as their submarine base. That's where Stink-Ninja and I had a game of cat and mouse." of the fight appear. "And fish. While Biffy put a camera in his office. Dude wants a game, we'll give him one. Also, Cam figured out it was Grayson that blackmailed him. Now he just has to find him before he gets turned in for cheating. And who knew Tina and Jenny would become–friends? They even snuck into Brandy's place to get a new password for the Coral Grove database!" and Jenny are seen working together. "They rock. Well, one most of all." ---- Detentionaire ---- 1:25 AM Serpent takes a straight razor and puts it in a plastic bag. He then creeps into a room where Lee's parents are sleeping, peels a bandage off of Mrs. Ping's hand, and puts it in another plastic bag. ---- another part of town, Tina and Jenny are sitting in Tina's bedroom. Tina is on the computer. Tina: "Okay, these legal files are driving me insane! Why are there like a billion numbers instead of anyone's actual name? Uggh!" Jenny: "You think that's frustrating, try the book. Why would Finnwich take only one page out of it? Rrrgh!" throws the book to the ground. Tina: her mini-fridge "Ice cream break?" Jenny: "You know it. Whadda you got?" Tina: "Vanilla. And this is a mix of every flavor there is for when I'm feeling adventurous." Jenny: "Omg, that's my all-time fave!" hands it over, and she takes a spoonful. "So good. So, wanna talk about something else? Something normal?" Tina: "Sure! What do normal girls talk about again?" Jenny: "Uh, boys of course! Quick, who's the first guy to pop into your head?" Tina: off-guard "Uh, you first!" Jenny: "Same time, on three. One, two–" Jenny and Tina: "Lee!" stare at each other. Jenny: "I thought you guys were just like BFFs. You like him like him?" Tina: "Oh well, kinda." exhales heavily. Jenny: "I can't believe it. I finally have a cool friend and we like the same guy!" Tina: "I know. Wait. You think I'm cool?" Jenny: "I did. But now we like the same guy and it's so gonna end badly." Tina: "Maybe not. We're smart girls, I'm sure we can figure something out." Jenny: "Good point. Okay first we crack this annoying legal code, then we crack the Lee code." ---- Lee's bedroom, he is having a nightmare where Tina and Jenny are dangling over a pit of rancid Green Apple Splat. Nightmare Lynch: "You only have time to save one, Lee. Who will it be?" cackles. Tina: "Lee!" Jenny: "Lee!" Tina: "Lee!" Jenny and Tina: "Lee!" girls drop into the rancid soda. They surface once, make frog noises, drop again, and then resurface as frogs. He suddenly awakens. His phone is ringing. He answers. Holger: "Lee! Danger! Something very badtimes is happening to you today!" Lee: "Holg, it's–one-thirty in the morning, can't this–" Holger: "No! Nine-thirty tomorrow, big chicken is to be crushing Lee! Holger from school's having dreams, right nowsies, okay? And also having the magic powers, so–" Lee: irritated "Holg. You don't have magic powers. You probably ate too many chicken wings before bed, now lemme sleep!" hangs up, turns the phone off, and lies down again. He doesn't notice that The Serpent is standing motionless against a wall, watching him. The Serpent leaves as soon as Lee is sleeping again. ---- next morning, Lee takes the streetcar to school with his friends. Lee: "So? Did you get in touch with Grayson and find out why he's blackmailing you?" Camillio: "No way José! Guy won't answer his phone, man! Dude's paranoid, Floyd!" Lee: "Let's smoke him out! Operation: Find Grayson. This time, I've got your back." Camillio: overjoyed "The dream team is back together yo! Lock and load man!" and Cam bump fists. ---- trio walk into the schoolyard. Camillio: "Keep your eyes peeled." Holger: "He-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne-ne–" his arms out "Hand force shield!" Lee: "Okay Holg, what are you doing now?" Holger: "Force shield, so no be crushed at nine-thirty o'clock by giant chicken." Camillio: "Unkay, for reals, what the what?" Lee: "Holger had some weird dream he thinks is gonna come true. I had one too. That I had to choose whether to save Tina or Jenny." Camillio: "So? Who'd you choose?" Lee: "Oh I–woke up. But if I had to–" Camillio: "There he is!" is by a door. "Yo! You! Stop! Now!" quickly wheels through the door. Camillio: "No! Don't run away! The opposite! Ru–" his friends "Let's bag this sucka!" and Cam run after Grayson. Holger hears a squawk and looks into the parking lot, where he sees a truck with a chicken painted on the side. Holger: scared "Big chicken is coming!" the school, Lee and Cam chase Grayson. Camillio: "I just wanna talk! Come back!" turns a corner, and his pursuers follow. They begin to catch up to him. Camillio: "End of the line, bro." Grayson: "The power of the wheel is mightier than the legs. Motor, engage!" presses a button on his wheelchair's control pad and accelerates rapidly. Camillio: "What the–" runs into the principal. "Ah!" Lee: "Whoops!" Cam up "Sorry, we were just–" Camillio: "Mucho excited to get to class, man!" Principal Wurst: "No harm no foul fellas. But absotutely no running in the halls. That rule's as old as the stars." candy "Bee?" takes it. "President Martinez. Just the person I was looking for. We need to talk. Follow me." principal leads the way. Cam slaps his hand over his eyes and turns to Lee. Camillio: "Aw man! I bet Grayson turned me in! I'm totally toast!" Lee: Cam his candy "Don't give up just yet." Camillio: "Yeah. Like that's gonna help." stuffs the treat into his mouth. "Mmm, cherry. Okay it helped a little." walks after the principal. ---- man in a chicken suit is unloading boxes of food from his truck when Jorf Borf leaps in front of him. Holger: "Ah ha! So, you are here to be crushing my friend, hmm?!? We-he-hell, Captain Strudellegs keep eye spy gootenhappy chai on YOU, and use many force shields to prevent it." Sal: "What are you talking about tall weird-looking boy? I'm just here to cater a special lunch for the teachers. Now excuse me? I'm late." giant chicken moves toward the school, but Holger leaps in front of him. Holger: "Holger be thinking we both be knowing what Holger is to be talking about, okay? Mister Chicken?" Sal: himself "Why do I get out of bed in the morning?" ---- is getting ready for homeroom when Biffy walks up to him. Biffy: with his phone "Dude, check out the Serpent cam." Lee: "Great! But–won't that thing run out of batteries?" Biffy: "Nope, it's well-hidden and plugged in. Heh! I am so the man." The Serpent pulls out plastic bags. "Whoa! A razor? A bandage, and Big Chicken takeout? Is he trying to gross us out or something?" appears in front of the camera. "Aah! Hey! Move! You're blocking a shot! Stupid snake." Tina and Jenny are walking down a separate hall. Tina: "There's definitely no names on any of these files! Just numbers!" Jenny: "Well, if Coral Grove really is a place where people go when they know too much–" Tina: "What if they're prison numbers! Yes! If we can just find a way to match numbers to names, we'll have a kind of key to follow!" Jenny: "That's so code for ice cream!" laugh and round a corner. "Hey there's Lee! I'll go tell him." Tina: "No, I wanna tell him!" pushes Tina back and takes off. Tina recovers her balance and gives chase. Jenny: "Oh Lee! Hey!" Tina: "Lee!" run up to Lee. Biffy: insulted "Oh what so I don't exist?" Jenny: "We got into the Coral Grove website! I know, we–hey, what are you doing, I want to tell it. Just because you found the codes–" Tina: simultaneously "We got back into the Coral Grove site! I know–Jenny, I was–Lee, listen to me, we found a–" Lee: "Whoa, one at a time. What's this?" Jenny: between them "Whoa, Tina, oh, look at the time! You're gonna be late for the news." Tina: flustered "Uh, what?!?" begins running away but then stops. "Wait a minute. I see what's going on I can't believe you would–" stops talking when she hears the familiar approach of a heavy metal foot. Principal General Barrage: up "Well, fancypants meeting you sacks of slop around these parts. Any of you brainpans notice how everyone else is gone? And in class?" Tina: "But the bell hasn't even–" Principal General Barrage: "Three, two, one." bell rings. "Well, ring-a-ling-a-ling-a-pingy-ping-ping. You're o-fficially late. Which means, say it with me kiddlywinks! Everyone gets–" Tina, Biffy, Lee, Jenny, and Principal General Barrage: "Detention." Lee: "Wait a sec. Uh, sir, since Principal Wurst–" Tina: "Is back, what does that make you?" Jenny: "Yeah. Do you even have the power to give us detention?" Principal General Barrage: angry "Wurst is here? I thought I could smell something slimy trying to usurp my leadership! Okay Wurst, time to see who the real principal is. And by the way, it's me!" Lee: "Hey Barrage." principal focuses on him. "Been to any sub bases lately?" Principal General Barrage: "Ping." is watching the feed from his cyborg eye. "If I could permanently close that oral cavity that never stops spouting may-nure sandwiches, I'd do it! But apparently that'd be a criminal offense! Now get to class, and get learning." ---- walks into the principal's office. Wurst has not finished redecorating. Principal Wurst: "Would you look at all this silly war stuff?" up Rear Admiral Duckington "Kinda like this though." a seat "Camillio Martinez. I have to say, I never had you pegged as school prez material. Well done." Camillio: nervous "Uh-huh, thanks uh, I'm like you know, pretty charismatic and stuff." Principal Wurst: "I'm pretty sure you know why I've called you to my office." Camillio: "I almost cheated, but didn't, and then got–" stops. Principal Wurst: over him "Because you as president, and me as principal, need to–" Principal Wurst and Camillio: "Wait. What?" Principal General Barrage: the office "Cheating?" infuriated "In my school? Automatic expulsion!" ---- is still struggling to take in his expulsion when the other principal speaks up on his behalf. Principal Wurst: "Your sentencing is much too harsh! A suspension, maybe. As principal, I think that would be fair." Camillio: "He's got a point. You know, fair's fair, so–" Principal General Barrage: over to the desk "You are not, and I repeat, not principal! And this room, and everything in it, except for this." grabs a gumball machine off of the desk and hurls it out the window, where it smacks a passing student in the face. " Short Boy: "I'm okay." Principal General Barrage: "Is mine! So get out–" to Camillio "–and you! You're no longer welcome here!" hangs his head. "Mister Peter Cheater Pumpkin Eater!" heads for the door. Principal Wurst: Cam "Why don't you park yourself close by, I'll get to you in a moment." to Barrage "Now see here. You were my replacement, and this is my office." up Rear Admiral Duckington "So you can kindly take all your silly toys, and YOU GET OUT! And take this with you." throws the duck out the window. Principal General Barrage: scared "No!" Admiral Duckington plows into the back of the boy's head just as he gets up. Short Boy: the ground "I'm okay." Principal General Barrage: softly "You just signed your own obliteration warrant." Camillio: his head in "Uh, Principals? Can I like go to the bathroom I really gotta–" Principal General Barrage: "Siddown!" takes out his phone and texts someone. Principal Wurst: scared "No. Put that down. That hole puncher i-i-is very dear to me." ---- is walking down the hall when she gets a phone call. She answers. Camillio: "So chica, I'm kinda in a situation." Brandy: "What? Did Grayson rat you out?" Camillio: "Actually I kinda ratted myself out. But what's important here is I never cheated, m'kay? So–" Brandy: "You need me to find Grayson and bring him in for a full-blown confession? Cop styles? On it." Camillio: "Exactamundo. I texted Lee, he owes me, so he'll totally help you out. Oops! Gotta go." objects are thrown around the principal's office. ---- man in the chicken suit makes his way across the lawn. Holger whimpers as he watches the man go past. He points out his window, but when Lee follows his finger the man has already gone by. Lee: "Right." sarcastic "There's a giant chicken at school. I really believe you." Holger: upset "You would no be saying it like that if you did be believing me! Big chicken is to be crushing Lee and Lee of Pings is no believing." phone beeps. He picks it up and reads the text. Lee: "Whoa! Cam needs me now!" his hand up "Mr. L? Bathroom pass me! Please?" Holger "Sorry Holg. For the last time it was just a dream, okay?" Holger: "No! The crushingness was real!" Lee: "Dude, chill! I gotta help Cam, I owe him big time." a beat "I dunno. Why don't you prove to me that there's a giant chicken at school? Gotta go." leaves class. Holger: his hand and smiling "Ahem. Holger is having bladder issues too." ---- and Jenny are sitting against a locker. Tina: annoyed "Ugh, so many numbers. There's gotta be a way to make sense of it." looks at Jenny. Jenny looks around nervously until her gaze settles on Tina. Jenny: "Why are you looking at me like that? Ugh, it's about Lee isn't it." Tina: "Well yeah. Why did you try to get rid of me earlier?" Jenny: meeting her gaze "I-I wanted to make sure you got to the news, so it wasn't an all Chaz, all the time kinda news morning. I was doing you and the whole school a favor." Tina: "So you weren't just trying to tell him the Coral Grove news first?" Brandy: "Hey losers. Sup?" and Lee race by. Tina: "Lee! We just found out–" Brandy: "Can't talk. Busy." Lee: "I'll call you later." and Brandy disappear down the hall. Jenny: "Hey. Why is he blowing us off to hang with her?" Tina: "I dunno, it's probably nothing. Uh, back to work?" Jenny: stretching "Yeah, you're right." up "I'm just gonna get a sip of water." walks away. Tina: up "Yeah, you know what? Me too." hustles after Jenny. Jenny and Tina: calling "Lee wait!" Tina: "I knew it!" they leave, Sal walks out of a classroom. A camera flash goes off in his face. Sal: "You again?" Holger: "Now, I having proof of your existence! Ha haha! In your face, Lee of Pings! And bustedhosen to you, Monsieur Chicken." runs off. Sal: "Wait!" stops. "Can I see it?" walks back and shows Sal the picture. "Oh. I look terrible. Can you take another one please?" obliges and shows the new picture to Sal. "Am I really that ugly? I knew I'd let myself go, but–''that'' much?" Holger: "Oh no Mister Chicken Person!" the chicken's stomach "It is no so that bad. No no no. You just maybe need to verk it more. Yeah! Be good chicken!" starts taking pictures of Sal. "Gooder! You want to rule the roost of my camera lens? Ja! Rule it! Ooh!" a rooster "Ooh-a-ooh-a-ooh!" happy "Ooh-hoo!" ---- and Wurst are fighting over a grenade. The pin falls out. Principal General Barrage: "Don't worry! It's just an antique!" Principal Wurst: "Uh, are you sure? How can you be sure?" walks into the office. Biffy: "Uh, guys? Teacher sent me down to see the principal." grabs the grenade. "Who's in charge here exactly? Robot, or candyman?" tosses the grenade out the window. It explodes. Principal General Barrage and Principal Wurst: "I am!" principals begin fighting again. Biffy walks over to a bench and parks himself next to a bored Cam. Camillio: "Sheyeah, dude, you might just wanna like take a seat and wait it out." begins watching The Serpent on his phone. "Dude is that a camera in the casino? Whoa! Super sneaky!" Biffy: "Yeah. So. What're you in for?" Camillio: "Ah, might be suspended, maybe expelled, they're sorting it out, you?" Biffy: "I thought noogie season was back on. Apparently not." Priscilla "Neh! Hey! The phone's not your girlfriend!" ---- and Lee walk into the library. Brandy: "Okay seriously, what is the dealio with you and Tina? And Jenny! We break up, and all of a sudden you're like hi, I'm a ladies' man?" laughs. Lee: "Me? Ladies' man?" coughs. "No. And, hey, is that him over there?" Brandy: shoving him "Uh, no, and don't you dare change the subject." make their way to the back of the library and open the door to the genius club. Grayson looks up. Grayson: "Ping?" Brandy: "Yes, and more importantly, me, and you're coming to the principal's office to explain everything!" pushes on Grayson's wheelchair and finds herself unable to budge it. Grayson: "Locked! Ha! Outsmarted by the common hydraulic brake!" Lee: "Yeah, but we're two against one." and Brandy push in tandem. Grayson pushes a button on his control pad, and some white gunk splats out of the back of his wheelchair and onto Lee and Brandy. Brandy: "Gross! What is this gunk?" Grayson: "Struggling only makes it stick worse. So long!" peels out of the room, leaving behind a bunch of gray smoke. When it clears, Lee is trying to push himself away from Brandy. Brandy: "Ouch! Stop moving!" and Jenny, meanwhile, are still trying to catch up. Jenny: "Okay, so you've known him longer, but, just so you know, there's no way he'd pick you over me." Tina: angrily "Oh, really." Jenny: "When we find him let's ask him. Oh look, there he is now!" and Brandy are awkwardly making their way down a crossing hall. Brandy: hushed "Stop jumping, you're pulling out my hair!" Lee: bitter "Oh, if you have a better way to move I'd like to hear it." Jenny: confused "Are they–back together?" Tina: nodding "They sure look back together." and Tina pursue. Brandy: annoyed "If you breathe into my face, one more time, I swear I am going–okay! That's it!" pulls Lee to the ground. It's at this moment that Jenny and Tina stick their heads around the corner. Tina: whispering "Gross, they're totally making out!" ---- Wurst heaves himself onto the desk. Principal Wurst: tired "Truce?" Principal General Barrage: down "Truce. You fought well." Principal Wurst: "S–so we agree to compromise, on Camillio's situation?" Principal General Barrage: "Affirmative. Let's negotiate!" Cam is trying to get ahold of his friends. Camillio: worried "Neither one answering? I am so totally tostados!" Biffy: angry "Oh would you move out of the way?" Camillio: "Dude just tweak the snake out with a vibrate or something!" Biffy: "I didn't want to resort to this, but you earned it!" makes the phone vibrate. The snake pulls it closer and yanks the cord out. It then slithers away from the phone, allowing it to record the office but giving Biffy limited time. Biffy: "Not the cord! Now it's only got battery power!" grumpy "Thanks for the help." Camillio: "My bad. But dude, what's he up to?" The Serpent is using a microscope. ---- and Lee have gone to the girls' bathroom to try and get free. Two girls pass them. Lee: "What? Kinda in a situation here." Brandy: annoyed "Stop pushing when I pull! We've got to both pull, at the same–" breaks free and falls to the floor. "Guh!" phone rings. She gets up and answers it. Camillio: "Yo, guy on the pins here! What're you two doing?" Brandy: irritated "Having a fondue party, what do you think! We lost him, okay? Sorry, but–" bell rings. Camillio: "So go to Grayson's second-period class!" shows him what it is. "Oh, thanks man. Uh, English Literature, Room 110." demanding "Go!" ---- is still taking pictures of Sal. After a few more pictures, he drops his smile and stops posing. Sal: "Any better? I'm awfully tired." Holger: "Ja!" the time "No! Sorry Sally baby, but it is still no good. It is missing the sparkle. Maybe we get it by around nine-thirty?" Sal: "But my job!" Holger: "No! You no be crushing Leemiester!" takes off. Holger tackles him. ---- and Brandy are looking into a classroom. Brandy: "Yep. Totally in there." teacher opens the door, and they straighten up. Lee: "Oh, hey. We–need to talk to Grayson." Brandy: "It's about our um, fourth period science project." Grayson: nervous "It's okay! I was uh, able to figure out the hypothesis! We'll be fine for our presentation later. Bye." Professor Pennyearnt: "You heard the man. Now, if you don't mind." shuts the door in their faces. Lee: "Terrific. What now?" and Brandy sit against some lockers. Brandy: "We bust him when class is over. I'll text Cam and tell him. So, can't decide between Tina and Jenny? I know, it's such a tough choice. Vanilla, or rocky road. Am I right?" Lee: "Wait. How did you know?" Brandy: "Ping, you're a pretty brave guy, but you're also like a pretty ginormous chicken." Lee: "Giant chicken." considers her words. Brandy: "I know you like Tina. Duh! You only liked her like the whole time we were together!" Lee: "Yeah, I guess, but–" Brandy: "No! Uh-uh! No more buts! Don't be an idiot like everyone else, okay? You risk your life, every day, no big deal, but you can't tell a girl how you feel about her? Lame! Snooze! Lose!" Lee: inspired "Okay. You know what? Can you wait here?" Brandy: "Go get her champ." pulls out his phone and makes a call. Lee: "Biffy, can you GPS Tina's phone for me? I need to know where she is like, right now." ---- is in the library with Jenny. Jenny: "Hey, so, about before." Tina: excited "Hold on, I think I got something. These different number strings...are the dates Coach Pummel and Missus Lob disappeared! And these two numbers in front, are coded initials!" Jenny: "Uh, Tina, you didn't just crack their code, you broke it!" hi-five. Tina: "I gotta tell Lee!" Jenny: "No, lemme!" smiles drop from their faces. "Uhg. This again? Okay, you know what? I-if we really wanna preserve our friendship, we're gonna have to..." Tina: "Go on. Hafta, what?" Jenny: "I think we have to make a pact that neither of us will ever date him, or-or something. You know, that way he can't ever come between us." gulps. "Besides, it'll protect us both from him too. Look at him, all hanging out with Brandy now." Tina: "You know what? You're right. How do we make this official?" holds her hand out to shake. "Uh..." Jenny: "Don't worry. I haven't picked my nose all day. I promise." shake hands, sealing the pact. Lee walks up and clears his throat. Lee: "Tina? Can I talk to you? Privately?" looks at Jenny, and she nods. Tina and Lee exit the library. Tina: "So? You wanna talk to me?" Lee: "Uh–" Holger: "No! Lee!" turns around. Holger is desperately clinging to the ankle of a giant chicken. Sal: "Let me go! It's my first day on the job, and I can't lose it! My cat needs an operation!" Tina: "Lee!" turns Lee's face back to her. Lee: "Look. I'm not gonna stumble all over my words like a chump. Here's the deal. I've been in love with you for like, I don't know, forever? And it's been so long, it's like too big to deal with but, if you felt the same way maybe you could–''we'' could–" Tina: "Uh, Lee, I–the thing is–ah, no." teary-eyed "I can't believe it. It's too late." crying "You're too late!" Lee: "But–" Tina: on his chest "I can't. I can't anymore." runs off in tears. Lee: "Tina?" slumps. Sal: himself free "Oh would you please!" gets loose and runs away. Holger spots Lee, leaps up, and runs over to him in order to give Lee a big hug. Holger: joyful "Lee is safe! Oh! Holger was so scary!" ---- is playing a game on her phone. Brandy: "Come on bird, swing! Ugh! Cheap!" Camillio: the intercom "Grayson Potter, come to the principal's office immediately." Principal General Barrage: "Hey! Get off that." Brandy: "Of course! Duh! Why didn't we think of that before?" exits his classroom and comes face to face with Brandy. Grayson: "Oh, I knew it was a setup! But you forgot about this!" hits the speed boost on his control panel and wheels off. Brandy: annoyed "Ugh! This is impossible!" takes out her phone and places a call. Cam answers. Camillio: "He's gone? Like-like gonzo? Aw, I am so like–" realizes the principals are standing in front of him. "Gots to go now." hangs up. Principal General Barrage: "So, we decided to compromise." Principal Wurst: "That's right, no expulsion." Principal General Barrage: Cam's face "But you will be fully suspended, until next Monday!" Camillio: "You serious? Aw." Principal Wurst: "I also compromised that you won't be school president anymore. Sorry." Camillio: "Aw, man! Oh, okay. You know, like I'm, like totally bummed now man. Thanks for making that decision so like, uh, fast. Can I go now?" Principal Wurst: "Sure, but here, have some licorice." offers a bag of the candy to Cam. Camillio: "Oh, thanks man." takes a piece and leaves. Principal General Barrage: Biffy "And you! Double detention!" ---- and Biffy are walking to detention. Biffy: "Sorry to hear about Tina, buddy. But did you realize something?" Lee: flatly "No. What?" Biffy: "Lanky may have magic powers! His dream came true, you got crushed at nine-thirty! Maybe not by a big chicken, but it was a chick." Lee: "That is pretty weird." Biffy: "But technically, the big chicken could be you. You crushed yourself." frowns. "Yeah sorry, I'm not making you feel better am I." Lee: "Nope. Not really." Biffy: "Then I guess this is gonna be the worst detention ever. Again, not making you feel better about any of this." his forehead "Bad friend. Sorry." ---- mood is tense in detention. The only sounds are the ticking of the clock and Niles Peg's snoring, as Jenny, Tina, Lee, and Biffy find themselves unwilling to talk to each other, and they simply stare at each other's faces awkwardly.